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Wednesday, 02 December 2009
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True Story (my Cutters dear)
-Credit to Dan (thethealogianscafe) for inspiring me to write this down-
-names have been changed for the protection of those involved-
It wasn't that you could taste the silence (although I'd dare you to try). I'd shift the phone closer to my ear and look warily around. The urgency in my voice couldn't be read another way. But pleading gets you nowhere (please note, all you men out there- it's a true fact) so I stopped. That's why it was so silent.
He started in,
"Liz...you-"
"No. You listen to me."
I gulped in book-stale air (yes, being more authoritative than I feel/am is quite the regular occurrence with me. I'm a woman, what can I say!) and let my fingers rest their shaking on the cool hard-backs of the philosophy section. Fitting, isn't it?
I was firm, because I had to be.
Stoicism is a deadly and, in most cases, untruthful trap. Combine that with knives and you have a narcissistic, masochistic spiral on your hands. Well, on my hands, anyway.
"JD, why?" Although it wasn't like we hadn't been through it before. I knew why.
So I let my bright cheery self back in and, with all my characteristic enthusiasm (practically bouncing up and down, if one's voice can even do that), exclaimed,
"Oh! oh! Oh! I figured out what I want for my birthday!"
He wasn't surprised (though, oh, how my pride would wish he weren't already so used to my psychotic/random babblings). He asked me what I wanted. Which is what friends do.
"Your knife, JD. I want your knife.
But I don't want it if you can't give it, yet. "
Which brings me to the following Tuesday and me headed out the door to catch the shuttle. It was cold, that day. He caught me and we talked for a few moments. He really is a great guy and a good friend...like a younger brother to me.
He dropped only a tightly folded sheet of paper into my hands, but it weighed heavier than it should have.
Maybe I'm foolish, but at that moment, that weight in my hands meant the world.
Maybe I'm dreaming, but at that moment, I like to think that it meaning the world to me, just might've meant the world to him.
Please Note: this is no quick fix. There is no bandaid for the heart (that I know of, anyway. If there is, somebody tell me!) So far as I know, it hasn't fixed anything long term. The problems that started it all are still there. But the point is, you CAN make a difference. These things are obvious, and only you can choose to ignore them.
Monday, 23 November 2009
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Ha. You asked for It.
....I'm still waiting on several of your answers to this...but for now, here are my answers to your questions. I promise I kept it short:
Crazy2love- What is your biggest dream? To grow old with one person...and to be in love, the whole way.
Roadlesstaken- Did you put tennis in your title so I would definitely click on it? Ha. No.
Rob_of_the_Sky -Who's hotter: you or Kontzicles? I'll be honest. Kontzicles has me by a mile. Alright, several miles.
And haven't you done the whole "Ask me a question" thing before? Mmmhmmm...how good of you to remember.
elelkewljay - have a favorite fragrance? YES. Instinct by Beckham. That stuff makes my head whirl and my insides do this funny flippy-thing.
rebootie - what do you want to be when you grow up???????????????? President of the USA. Vote for me?
TheSecretLifeofPandas - where's the coolest place you've ever traveled to? The Great Wall has to take the cake....it was unforgettable.
and where do you want to go next? Currently trying to decide between Portugal and Greece.
how many stamps do you have on your passport? Only two :(
Ampersands_Anonymous - Um....dogs or cats? Cat for a roomate. Dog for a companion.
How will you likely react to a midlife crisis? Embrace it. Pink cell-phones all the way
.
jeremiahstears - What is the sound of one hand clapping? Total idiocy?
subaru3169 - how would you deal with the love of your life leaving you?? Hopefully I'll be careful that that would never happen...but if it did, I'd hope to be noble about it.
TheCheshireGrins - what is the kitty's name and is it your kitty? I don't remember, and no, it's not mine.
Myxldove - Hmm, since you already know me, does that mean I'm exempt from asking you questions? Of course not...Santa Clause doesn't give exemptions.
milubbles - What is your favorite picture you've ever taken? I love when people ask that question...THIS is probably my favorite, with THIS a close second.
tsh44 - What do you plan to be doing in 10 years time? Either still teaching overseas, or maybe married? I'm not the plan sort of person...they never quite work out, you know.
Vivacieux - Where do you think pineapples got their name? They look like pine cones, but taste like fruit. Nobody really knows why. It's one of those things we have no reason for....
alive_2010 - What is your favorite Bible verse? Why? Probably 2 Cor 4:7-9...because I'm a cracked pot and only by the grace of God am I used.
neekuh - whats the kittens name? Zero idea.
npr32486 - What's your favorite alcoholic drink? I have a theory....if I don't drink, I won't get drunk. If that answers your question.
hardlyhansomest - how can you put 11 birds into 10 cages? Only one bird can go into one cage at a time. Easy. Eat the 11th.
overly_toasted_bread - What do you treasure the most? My family. If I lost one of them, I'd probably lose my mind....we're all really close.
happyworld_ofharibo - Do you have any siblings? Hahaahahahahaha. Yeah. I have 6.
How old are you? 17
What are you currently doing with your life? Working on my Associate's Degree. I graduate in the spring.
What are your dreams? Teach overseas...travel the world..raise a kid...marry the love of my life....become an optimist....Not necessarily in that order.
Trigger821 - Do you think you will live in the same state you're living in now a few years down the road? Haha. No.
what's your favorite food or cuisine? I like most international foods. I love Szechuan cuisine, though. Mmm sticky rice and Shanghai style green tea. Good stuff.
What are some things you definitely want to do or experience before you die? I have a whole book, but I doubt you want them all....so, just a few?
Save a life.
Go Base Jumping.
There were several shocking revelations in here. Good luck finding them.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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This is Not Fiction
But neither is it my story to claim.
Black like funeral cars
The wind passes-
A silent parade;
Two honored Cadavers.
Reducing mere sighs
That wring blood and tears
To tear hearts apart
From the other one's dreams.
Only in them are you,
we're so-gravely told,
Because yesterdays left
Long ago, it would seem.
Which begs to answer
Why even mute winds
Smell, taste, and breathe
Your ashen scent. -
And you Thought you'd Get out of It....
....but you can't! For the first part of the blog go HERE:
(the links are the usernames.)
As answers come up, I'll post them.......but if you do answer your question.....
It works like this. If you're tagged, you have to ask at least one other Xangan a question and post it on this blog and/or your blog. (In the spirit of getting to know each other, aye?)
Crazy2love- How old are you?
Roadlesstaken- Wildest dream (as in aspiration, not nightmare)?
Rob_of_the_Sky - Coffee or tea?
elelkewljay - What are five pointers on being as cool as you?
rebootie - When did you first start writing poetry?
TheSecretLifeofPandas - What's your personal favorite work/blog?
Ampersands_Anonymous - First, why did you choose your username? Second, What's your favorite color?
jeremiahstears - Favorite part of Japan and what do you miss most about the states?
subaru3169 - Describe yourself in five words?
TheCheshireGrins - The thing that excites you most about getting married and the thing that gives you the worst butterflies about it?
Myxldove - What was the precise moment that you knew you had grown up? When everything you knew was taken from you and you were forced to grow up?
milubbles - How do you pronounce your screenname?
tsh44 - Do you think your life would really flash before your eyes if you were in a near-death situation?
Vivacieux - What is your dream job?
alive_2010 - What keeps you moving and breathing every day?
neekuh - Summer or winter?
npr32486 - Why "32486"?
hardlyhansomest - If you could be anywhere in the world right now where would it be?
overly_toasted_bread - What made you choose your username? And who are you closest to in your family?
happyworld_ofharibo - What's your current favorite song/artist? When do you feel most beautiful?
Trigger821 - I always wondered- Why Trigger821? Is there any significance to it? Why would you say you're friends with your closest friend?
ordinary_girl1 - What's your wildest dream?
Wait for Part 3: In Which I May answer Your Questions
Saturday, 14 November 2009
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Your Turn
Here's how it works.
Our dear Jenn Jenn tagged me in this...thing. You know, 25 (blah blah blah). She made it phenomenal, but i'm not that creative, unfortunately. So here's the deal.
You can give me questions. Any questions (yes, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" counts).
I'll be doing this with several twists though. Which are, right now, a surprise.
Oh fine. I have no idea what twists I'll put in so I'm just saying it's a surprise. It's better that way.
Now. Just so you're warned, I then get to ask all ya'll some questions.
There are no exceptions.
Period.
.
(and, because ya'll have been so nice, and this is SO cute......
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My guilty pleasure? Rap. And not just any rap, Korean rap. Now you know.
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About Me
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Ask, and I'll tell you- I'm open-minded but firm in my convictions.
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Pulse
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My guilty pleasure? Rap. And not just any rap, Korean rap. Now you know.
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Dear Rachel Ray: What if I don't WANT to eyeball it? What then? Sincerely, Me
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All wrapped up in this disastrous Toccata of an essay. Please help!
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